Health watch: Hutt population sees record obesity levels

TATOOINE– Bladdu the Hutt stepped on the scale, took a deep breath, and looked at the reading.
  "A metric ton. I never thought I'd see that."
  Bladdu has been battling his weight all his life. When he was in grade school, he would often trade for extra bloatfrogs from his friends' lunches.
  Now, as a successful businessman in the waste management industry, Bladdu isn't sure where to turn for help burning off those extra pounds.
  "I've tried it all. Cutting carbs, slime, glob, and goo. I've cut down to two frogs a day and I still gain weight.
"I even tried to have a Jedi hypnotize me to feel less hungry, but he said my mind was too strong. His old mind trick had no effect.
  "I remember when I could slip into a size 230. Sigh."
  Glanto Frevo, a Hutt nutritionist, says it's not just a mental battle.
  "Hutts have genetics working against them. They were just born to be big fat tubs of blubber."
  Frevo suggests a strict regiment of diet and exercise, but even then it might be a losing battle.
  "For as long as we've had Hutts, we've had overweight Hutts. Maybe a miracle drug will come around, but until that day Hutts will just have to do what they can."
  Economics don't seem to play a role in the Hutt obesity rate, as many Hutts live well above the median income.
  "It might be a stereotype, but it's true. Hutts often have a lot of money. However, it's not unusual for a Hutt to be involved with illegal activities -- illegal trade, extortion, blackmail, and other gangster-like activities," said Noofo. "And sometimes these activities are tied to unhealthy lifestyles."
  Bladdu says he's not wealthy or a criminal.
  "I'm just a regular Hutt. If I had that kind of money, I might try stapling my stomachs. I just can't afford that kind of procedure."
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AT-ST Walker shields fully rated for blasters, lasers
But not wood, jokes engineer

ENDOR – The new line of AT-ST Walkers, the Empire's agile reconnaissance vehicle, has been laser and blaster shield-rated.
  This means the walkers will be able to take direct hits to their outer armor with little damage.
  "These new AT-ST's are all set for battling anything the rebels throw at us," said Empire vehicle engineer Wilman Leids.
  "It'll take anything they can shoot at us. Unless they run out of blasters and start throwing sticks and lumber, I think we'll be okay," he added with a laugh.

Stormtrooper armor polish supplies low

  DEATH STAR - Keeping his armor suit boney-white was always a problem for TK-832.
  "The Death Star isn't as shiny clean all the time as you'd think. Ever been down in one of the garbage compactors? Yeah, it's real messy."
  Now stormtroopers are facing a new challenge to keep their 18-piece armor clean: a dwindling supply of suit polish.
  "For whatever reason, supply hasn't been keeping up with demand," said inventory manager Vess Mootha.
  "Someone isn't getting word to these distributors that, we've got a ton of stormtroopers here, and we're recruiting more every day."
  The problem is even worse on mud-laden outer-rim planets where supply runs are infrequent.
  "It's like, 'Hello, I'm stationed on Geonosis and I haven't had a bath in two weeks, much less supplies to polish my armor,'" said TK-447.
  "If they want it sparkling white they better keep sending us polish."

BESPIN 7-DAY FORCAST: Mostly cloudy with a chance of clouds.

Ozzel demoted,
Piett promoted

DEATH STAR – After ordering an abrupt jump out of light speed, Admiral Ozzel has been demoted by Darth Vader.
  The order was seen as a vital strategic error, giving rebels on Hoth time to put up energy shields, rendering an orbital assault impossible.
  Sources say Ozzel was demoted; in Vader's words, "You have failed me for the last time, admiral."
  Sources note Ozzel's end of command was not a surprise.
  "He wasn't the brightest saber of the bunch. He thought the life signs on Hoth were from smugglers, when in fact it was the whole Alliance High Command. His days were numbered after that incident," said an Executor crewmember speaking on condition of anonymity.
  Firmus Piett has taken over Ozzel's post, promoted by Vader.

Fashion: For lightsabers, blue is the new green

CORUSCANT – Lightsabers, the weapon with a blade of pure energy, popular among Sith and Jedi, has had a makeover.
  Blue lightsaber popularity has surpassed green lightsabers for the first time, and those in the industry are saying, "blue is the new green."
  "Green had a long run; I'm surprised it was popular for that long," said Favor Welblock.
  Welblock, also known as "Mr. Welblock," is a melee weapons expert and editor of "Arms in Style" magazine.
  "It will be interesting to see how long blue goes," he added.
  Lightsabers, sometimes referred to as "ancient" weapons used by "hokey religions," remain popular among Jedis and Sith, and often handmade by the operator.
  Spaz Gogh is a Jedi who made his own lightsaber.
  "The first one I made was purple. You barely ever see purple lightsabers anymore. I'm anxious to move to blue, and I've been working on one in my free time ever since I saw Obi Wan with one."

 Amedda makes successful transition from film to Senate
The Senate's Vice Chair still keeps his sense of humor

  CORUSCANT - From acting to politics. It's not the typical career path, but for Champala native Mas Amedda, it's turned out to be a successful one.
  Amedda said it at first it was difficult to be taken seriously as a politician after so many years in film.
  "I was so well known for my comedic roles, that I had to work extra hard for every vote. When I was on the stump, people would be quoting my movies.
  "I can't tell you how many times I've heard the line 'Snarf snarf snarf,' or 'Here comes the mynock!' yelled back at me."
   Amedda admits being a celebrity does have its advantages in politics. "It's great to have that instant familiarity with people, but I had to show them I was serious, too."
  Amedda was best known for his roles in "The Last Gungan," "Tuskan Raiders of the Lost Ark," and "Aqualish Named Wanda."
  Although he is Vice Chair in the Senate, some say he sides more often with Chancellor Palpatine.
  "After the no confidence vote against Valorum, many thought I was going to go for Chancellor myself. I guess I was over compensating, showing that I was loyal to the position, not just my own way."