VOLUME 1, ISSUE 1
Front Page
 

Study: Ewoks Deemed Not A Threat

ENDOR - In a new study released Wednesday, the inhabitants of the moon of Endor known as "Ewoks" have been deemed harmless.
   The study, funded in part by the University of Endor and the Empire, drew its findings based on direct observation of the fuzzy woodland creatures.  When asked about the motivation for research on Ewoks, a spokesperson for the Empire-funded study stated, "Well, it's purely scientific.  It's not like there is any kind of hidden bunker there or anything.  Let's move on."

 

Most Feared Droid Poll



TATOOINE - For the third year in a row, EV-9D9 of Tatooine has been polled as the most feared droid.  EV-9D9 attributes her reputation to her brutal torture of other droids.
  EV-9D9 currently works for Jabba The Hut on Tatooine but dreams of working for the Empire some day.

 

 
STARDATE 109.152.06

Empire Discontinues Medicare

CURASCANT - In a move of little surprise, the Empire-controlled Senate has voted to discontinue universal Medicare coverage.  
  This will affect those who were previously covered under the Medicare/Medicaid program which gave universal healthcare to all galaxy citizens.
   The previous healthcare package was one of the few remaining pieces of legislation from the term of Chancellor Palpatine.
   

Bounty Hunter Found Dead, Shot First

TATOOINE - The body of Greedo, a well-known bounty hunter under contract of Jabba The Hutt, was found shot dead in a Mos Eisley drinking establishment.  
  Authorities said the outlaw was hit by a blaster shot moments after he fired and missed his intended target.
  Mos Eisley authorities still don't know how Greedo, a skilled marksman, could miss at such a short range.
  "I suspect some kind of foul play here, things just don't add up" said Police Chief Kleepblow.

(See BOUNTY HUNTER, 4A)  

TK-421 Presumed Dead

DEATH STAR - Empire authorities said they believe Storm Trooper TK-421 has been killed in action.
The Trooper has been missing for four days now, leading authorities to fear the worst for the soldier.

   Family of the recently promoted trooper said he was a decent family man who "didn't deserve this end."
  The trooper was three weeks away from retirement when he went missing.
   TK-421 was last seen when he was assigned to guard what was believed to be an empty rebel ship aboard the Death Star.

Storm Trooper Draft: Will You Be Picked? Yes.

CURASCANT - In a statement by Emporer Palpatine late Thursday afternoon, all those eligable for the next Trooper draft next week will be drafted. 
   According to en Empire spokesperson, those who resist the draft will be used as Sarlac food on Tatooine.